I do not believe it is for us to decide to end our lives or that of any other. Just because we struggle does not mean they will. God may have a different plan for them.

I won't tell you I haven't thought of ending my life. I have, but in the end it doesn't solve anything. It just adds to the pain of those around us, who do actually care for us. Why cause them more pain?

So, I struggle a little. We can get through these dark times and go on to find brighter tomorrows. Don't give up. We have not yet begun to fight. We can overcome these struggles. I know we can. 

I just wanted to update on my last post. I am still struggling as the loss of my vehicle caused me to lose my position of caring for a couple. I have done everything I can for them, but in the end it wasn't enough to keep my job contract with them. So, essentially I have lost my job completely.

On the other hand, I have been blessed recently with others lending me assistance by deed and a little financial help. I am very thankful for everything with which I have been blessed.

My faith in God is still shaken. It isn't that I don't believe there is a God, I just feel like I have made him so angry somehow and I don't even know how I did it. I feel like, if he wasn't angry with me I wouldn't have to struggle so much and this wouldn't be the way of my life throughout my entire life. Everything seems to be coming apart at the seams and I don't know how to stop it, but I am trying to believe that if I just hang on a little longer, He has something really awesome in store for me that will make all the years of struggling worth it.

So, this is where I am right now. I hope others here will open up so that no one will have to feel alone, but let us know about the good things, too, so that the rest may have at least a glimmer of hope.

I am a single mother of three. Two of my three children are on the autism spectrum. This make finding daycare next to impossible. So, work is also hard to come by. My school loans fell so far behind that now I can't go to school at all. I can't even file for bankruptcy because I don't have the means to do so. I don't know if anyone can or is even willing to help me with financial help. If I could get my loans and debts paid off that I currently owe, I know I could keep my head above water after. I just need a break. Currently my bills exceed $8,000. I have done my very best to keep from incurring any more. This amount is more late fees than anything.

I have spent my life trying to help others with keeping food in their homes. Taking out loans to help others who felt like the world was closing in on them so tight that they couldn't breathe, but then I fell behind and it seems that no one could help me. I pray, I meditate, and still try to do what good I can for others because I know what if feels like when you're under these pressures. You feel alone and like no one cares for you. When someone does reach out I can only imagine that it provides some hope for a better future. Though, that is something I have not yet experienced.